The Geppo Strikes Back

Having unloaded the latest shipment of bootleg Hello Kitty merchandise with Franco Americano, my unwitting dupe/partner, I decided it was time for a vacation. I was bound for America. Specifically, Seattle. The last time I had been there was eight years ago for the Great Marmoset Hunt just before the grandparents attempted to unleash their sterility serum test in Vancouver's water supply. Those were the days. The preparations were simple; slip Franco Americano some tainted Tsing Tao and keep an eye on him through my super spy girl ex-Soviet agent "Woman in Graveyard #2" (a pseudonym acquired from her days as an extra in Roman Polanski films) by hiding in a crate of porcelin frog bands bound for Tiajuana. Once in San Francisco, I'd meet up with my long time secretary, Betty, and drive the old U-Haul up to Seattle.

Things did not go as planned. Franco Americano woke up earlier than expected but seemed delirious. Throttling a rat, he revealed to the ex-Soviet that he didn't know where he was or remember anything. Foolish child. Always resourceful, though, he escaped with WIG#2 on a pair of jetskis, apparently trying to find his way to the DNA25 festival to gather assistance against my schemes.. He revealed his hand too soon, though, for I witnessed his trechery and would be meeting up with him a little earlier than planned....

Time was limited, so when I met Betty at the Oakland docks I grabbed her by the arm and told her our beautiful cactus-sporting Arizona U-Haul wasn't going to cut it for the Seattle trip, even if the interior sported homages to Knight Rider and the A-Team. Stopping by an old cache of equipment buried in the backyard of an Amway/Scientologist paratrooper commando bunker, we grabbed a pair of motorcycles, a carton of bananas, two sticky anti-personnel grenades, a toothbrush, clean socks, and the glove of Dr. Doom. As long as we weren't crossing in Canada, we'd be safe (curse those Mounties! Always on the search for illegal fruits and vegetables).

The trip to Seattle was uneventful. In order of increasing difficulty, we encountered:

1. Pole-vaulting midget dentists
2. Left-handed rocketeer vegetarians
3. The dog Tralfaz
4. Vampire prairie dogs
5. The Bixby Trenton Flemenco Band
6. Betty's mother

We pulled into the U District and sought out the local division of the Karma Exchange Commission. They would take care of our excess baggage during our stay, which for us was Tralfaz and May-Bell, formerly of Bixby Trenton's Felmenco Band. It was now quite late, and we were quite tired. Solution? Do the Dew.

NEXT!!! Part III: "Slap the Pope and Call me Candy, the Eleventh Plague was Anorexia!"